I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
