I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We need to get me chipped asap
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
