People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
