there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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