she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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