can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
