i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
