My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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