You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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