guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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