Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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