Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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