I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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