Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
