That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
