Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
