Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize