Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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