Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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