What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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