She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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