Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
