Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
