I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just threw up on my dentist
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
