Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
