There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
