yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
