Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
