How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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