I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
