You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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