i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Floor bacon is actually really good
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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