the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
