Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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