I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
ttyl tear gas
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
