just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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