I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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