She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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