If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
