I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
