Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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