I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
