Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
