Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
