I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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