Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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