I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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