No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
