Got a toothbrush?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
