When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
