i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
