I molested 6 butterflies tonight
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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