so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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