Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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