So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
