Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
