Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize