Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
