Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
