Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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