She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
