A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
