Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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