dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
