i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
