I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
