sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
