I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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