not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
