I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
