We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
