I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
