someone get that fucking seahorse.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
