I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
