I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
