I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize