HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
