Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
