I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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