I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is it because I queefed?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize