Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
