What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
