What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
