Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just gift wrapped bread.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
