i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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