i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize